The turn around..

So I get a call from home (am in school) saying my dad is ill.he's always ill these days, its normal plus he's old, thahts what I thought 2years ago when I got the news of loosing a parent, then it turned out to be my mother, the immortal, somehow I never quite associated death with her. And then she did. Now my father is ill and I'm bothered, he of course has survived many illnesses then why does this bother me so? Today I'm feeling like someone that's got a single parent left. That he's the only one I've got and loosing him gives me shivers. All of a sudden any beep from my phone makes my heart skip a beat and when the call actually was from my siblings, I stopped breathing. I'm scared of loosing my dear old father. I hope like all illnesses pass. I want my father to be there to give me away, to see my children, his grand children...then it hit me, that I may not see those either, why am I worrying about his mortality when I too am mortal?
"Every one that is thereon will pass away.." (Qur'an, Chapter Ar-Rahman, 55:26). Its funny isn't it that daily people die, of all ages, we never consider our own mortality? At this point my thoughts are re-directed, I do worry about my fathers heallth, I do hope he gets better and do know even the illness is a blessing to him for the Prophet S.A.W said no one shall suffer a loss, anxiety or detriment even the prickling of a thorn without a part of his sins being forgiven, I also worry about my own mortality.. I hope I meet my end well, that WE meet our end well, and that we receive the mercy of the Most Merciful. I smile cause I know I'm in good hands..

The shahada

Last weekend i was at a tafsir(sermon) when these three women were introduced as new reverts to Islam, with the was a forth woman and she said she also wanted to revert to Islam. she was then asked "do you believe that Allah is your Lord and Creator? She said "yes" and took the shahada(declaration of faith) ...I never witnessed this before and i realised right there was our first pillar of faith. How often do we reflect on those words? That "there is no deity (worthy of worship) except Allah and that Muhammad is his messenger"? That is essentially what makes us muslims, we believe. There are 4 other pillars...Salat(prayer), payment of Zakat, Sawn(fasting) and Hajj(holly pilgrimage). She had taken the first step and i found myself joyous and hopefull that the others may be easy for her. The Quran says, "Whoever disbelieves in Taghut (all that is worshipped beside Allah) and and believes in Allah, then he has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that will never break" Q22:256

Me...

Bismillah, I think that's the best way to start, in the name of Allah. I'm Rahma and a muslimah (muslim woman) so is my father, and my fathers father, you can say I was born lucky but there was a time even I didn't know it. In my childhood years I attended islamic schools where I was thought to read the Qur'an and other islamic stuff but maybe I was too young to understand or maybe I just didn't care but as I got older I stopped going, started praying less, only when I remember to or when it was convenient. I was generally existing, doing things that 'regular people' did, now 'regular' ofcourse depends on who u ask, for me it was parties, clubs and boys..you know regular stuff.lol. I carried a scarf too, that wasn't always in its proper place but I carried one non the less. Don't get me wrong I wasn't the devil's re-incarnate but I wasn't a saint either, I was just doing regular stuff. I knew of course I could be a better person, somehow we all know that, but we are just not ready, stopped by a fear, of maybe missing out in all the fun or of people's reactions or something but a fear exists. Then one day something happened, a tragedy if u please or perhaps my biggest blessing! And it got me thinking, maybe I grew bored or tired or something else but I GREW and I started to pray. Now about tragedies I heard, could either bring you closer to God or draw you further away. You can guess what it dis to me, I started to pray then read, I started to seek knowledge about my deen(faith) to re-educate myself. Then one day, I decided to wear the hijab because I wanted to be identified as a muslim woman and that I was proud, wanted to represent my faith. I also wanted to receive the "salaam", that always made me happy. Then ofcourse people that knew me would ask, "what's up with the veil?" Or "why" some people generally became aprehensive of me, it was said I'd become "religious" now. Why would I just choose to cover myself up? I realised even as muslims there was so little we knew about islam and most non-muslims were clueless. All that most people got was what the media said, how muslim women are oppressed and how muslims are just a bunch or terrorist and that islam was strict. Think its only fair that and a duty upon muslims to try and clear such misconceptions, the prohet (SAW) said to us to share his message even if it is 1 ayya(line). Islam is truly a beautiful religion. The "rules" are simply guidelines from our creator on how man can reach his full potential, its like when you buy a product and it comes with a manual, from the manufacturer and it has all these tips and advice on usage, who best to tell you those things than the one who made the product? islam is a house full of beauty and function and insha Allah (god's willing) I shall explore the rooms, Allah assit me in conveying the truth as it is and forgive my short comings, when i had the idea i sought the counsel of my muslim brothers and sisters and the were very helpful, may Allah reward them for it. Now people call me an "Uztaz", i wish, am just a regular muslimah and my knowledge is limited, if I do make mistakes please correct me, your comments, questions and contributions are more than welcome. Lets learn as Allah says in the Quran "are those equal to those who do not know? but only men of understanding will pay heed". May Allah guide us...